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There must be many people all over the world whose lives have been changed after experiencing unexpected results from DNA testing. Whether your experience was positive or not, it can change your life and who you thought you were.

I am starting this blog to create a forum for ongoing sharing after writing the book titled Alice: The Story of How I Met My Biological Parents. I have just closed the most incredible year of my life (outside of those big events…. childbirth and marriage of course). The experience was profoundly personal. I can’t believe what I found on the other side of a DNA kit that was given to me lightheartedly for Christmas by my kids. I hope others experiencing similar events find some inspiration here. Adoption often does not come from ideal circumstances, but for some, modern technology has allowed for hearts to be made whole.

Zoom is the best we have!

For Christmas in 2020, we have digital options for all ages. Parents who had never used Zoom before have learned to use it. My mother and I set up a call so she could actually see my whole family. That was the first time we had seen each other since February. Why have we not been doing that all along!

I spoke with my dad on Christmas as well. We were already talking about seeing each other in 2021. My alma mater is playing in his state next September, so I had sent him a shirt to wear with our school logo for fun. He has been pulling for our team this season and always sends me a note on gameday!

Fast Forward to Today

Photo by Andreas Wohlfahrt on Pexels.com

Closeness with my mom didn’t take very long to develop. Today we talk about intimate subjects, such as health, retirement choices, finances and family. I do believe she truly cares, as do I. We haven’t been able to see each other in 9 months due to COVID-19, so I hate to be wasting precious time. I have recently become a grandmother, and she has been highly engaged in pictures and details until she can visit in person. I had to send her a coffee mug with her new name: GiGi

I so appreciate that and hope my new grandson can one day know his great grandmother on a personal level. Truly a miracle that we get to share this so late in our lives. It seems fitting to say right now that the bond even between a grandmother and a grandchild is stronger than I ever imagined. When you watch your daughter have a baby, your own memories come flooding back around childbirth, recovery, nursing, changes in your identity, and even mourning the loss of your old life. As I watch my child navigate her new devotion to this little human, it is an incredible milestone for a parent. I’d love to hear my own mother’s thoughts on this topic, as she didn’t get the chance to raise her own baby or watch her baby have a baby. She does, however, get a front row seat as a great grandmother now.

The Need to Meet

My mother and I immediately started to schedule calls to continue talking. We had over 50 years of life to catch up, and we wanted to know everything about each other. She missed my childhood, so I sent many photos at various stages of my life. We were amazed at the similarities between our pictures for the first 5 years of life… DNA is amazing that way. I began to change as a teen, and we didn’t favor each other as much. We quickly began to look for a time for her to come to my hometown for an in-person meeting. It was 6 weeks after my biological father came to town, and she brought her son. He was the perfect traveling companion for this occasion.

We met at the airport, and I felt like this was a moment right out of the movies! We had already learned so much about each other, but we just had to physically touch each other and look into each other’s eyes. It was a moment I will remember until the day I die.

Finding My Mother

After my father left my hometown, I turned my focus on my mother. Reaching out to her ended up being more delicate process, but I found a warm and immediately caring woman… once she picked herself up off the floor and got over the shock of hearing from me. This is the moment you always worry about as an adult adoptee… no one wants to insert themselves and cause distress in another’s life.

After exchanging emails, we quickly scheduled a phone call. She was amazed at the technology that exists to open doors and share information in this modern age of DNA testing and the internet.

Since 50+ years had passed, she was in a place in her life where she could be open to the possibilities. It was a life-long wait for both of us, but the timing was just right. When I found her, she was in the middle of caring for her elderly mother who then passed away two weeks after we first spoke. I was saddened to have missed knowing my 95-year-old grandmother. For my mother, to lose your beloved mother and hear from the daughter given up so many decades before was a lot to process, but it turned out to be a positive blessing for both of us. The relationship that develops and immediate hunger to share about our lives could never have been anticipated.

As we are experiencing a resurgence in COVID-19 cases, many are canceling their plans to travel for now.

I will take a break in telling you the story of how I met my biological parents for a moment, and come into today’s circumstances. I am now hoping to drive there to spend time in its beauty and visit my father there for a second time this summer.

Back to the book’s story: After meeting my father for the first time in that hotel lobby, we spent two days exploring my city and marveling at how we got to this point through a DNA test. I decided I had his eyes and his family’s nose. During our visit, my husband’s mother passed away. She was the last living grandparent to our children. It was not a coincidence that we were meeting a new biological grandparent at the exact same time. There would be two more events in this story which I don’t believe are coincidence.

The Plan to Meet My Father

Over the next few weeks, my father was traveling to a family reunion and offered to stop through my hometown. I was so excited to meet him and his wife. He lives in Colorado, and I have been there many times in my life to ski. That great state means more to me now.

His arrival made me nervous and excited at the same time. We met with our spouses in his hotel lobby and got re-acquainted again since our phone calls and texts. He joked that he had never texted so much in his life! We talked about his kids (my half siblings), childhood, career in teaching, moves, and just life in general. He was so likeable and down to earth. My adoptive father was a business man, and remained very down to earth as well. He shaped me in a way that I will always appreciate. He taught me to be mature, but he had a playful side too. My biological father loves the mountains and the outdoors. He has been active his whole life, as have I… though mine took the shape of dancing. I hope to get to the mountains with him someday. Oh, and he is playful too!

It is hard to be separated once you have met…

As this pandemic continues, my mother has said she is happy we met in 2019. It would have been very difficult to curtail the excitement of finding each other. Meeting each other in person was so important, and we would have had to postpone in 2020. Now that we know each other, we want to enjoy the time we have left.

The story of Alice picks up with the first point of contact with my biological father. His daughter agreed to approach him after we became linked as family on a DNA site. He suggested we talk right away… I was nervous even though I pursued this. We talked for 45 minutes and updated each other on our lives. I so wanted to continue to get to know him.

It is human nature to be curious

Whether someone knows or not that a child of theirs could show up on their proverbial “doorstep” someday doesn’t make it much easier when it happens, I suspect. It is risky on both sides. When I finally got a search clue about my biological mother (by the way, it is scary what we can research through public records these days!), I knew I had to reach out after a lifetime of suppressing the desire. I approached the conversation with my guard up thinking, “I don’t need another mother”, but I was pleasantly surprised to find her open, compassionate and willing to get to know me. As I mother myself…. why would I expect anything different!

When reaching out to close relatives you’ve never met, I think it is important to graciously give them an option to say “no thank you.”

I first reached out to the oldest relative on my DNA match list, but I had no response. It turns out that uncle does not check his DNA account, so I waited a bit to decide whether to reach out to a younger relative. I assumed they did not know about me. I got lucky that the younger relative responded and had seen my name on her account. She was open to helping me figure out the connection with her family, and ultimately what seemed like a cousin relationship at first turned into a half sibling relationship.